Perce, Laz and me have the week off. Spend it mostly in the Knight or pub-crawling Benson at lunchtimes and playing drunk tennis in the afternoon.
By saturday we have run out of things to talk about so amazingly we are pleased to see Bones who is over for the weekend.
After the pub we go to Perce's and discover his budgie has died. Perce cries whilst Bones tries not to giggle.
*
Its a week of domestic strife at work. Liz's boyfriend has returned to his wife and kids, JS is in hospital with arse trouble and Jackie H's boyfriend has stolen £55 from her account.
This doesn't stop me whining about not being able to find a girlfriend. Mandy says if she wasn't with her David she would go out with me. I tell her to stop taking the piss but she insists she means it and reassures me by saying; "I've been out with uglier blokes than you."
*
The DJ yells a big hello to the girls from Heelas and offers a frede T shirt for the first girl in a rah rah skirt to come and say hello. He brags that Top Rank is Readings number one night spot so the rest must be really crap.
Above the row of Dexys Midnight Runners I can just hear Bones moaning that half the girls are under fifteen and the rest are with blacks.
I should really pick an argument with him about his rascist views but I can't be bothered.
*
Me, Jim, Mandy and Jackie H go to the White Lion for lunch. It feels good walking into a pub as a foursome, especially when some blokes glance at Mandy's gorgeous legs then look jealously at me.
*
Rob D is moving to Sheffield with his family so we go for a pub crwl of Benson.
There's a fight in the Sun and some bloke gets hit with a glass so we leave and have a beer in the Chicken In The Basket, get doubles at last orders and a bottle of wine to take out.
On the way to Laz's Perce does his favoutite trick of kicking someone's fence in but the bloke who lives there sees him and comes at us with a hammer. We leg it to Laz's and dive in his front bush but we notice Perce is missing.
We wait a while but he doesn't come so we have coffee and peanut butter on toast in Laz's. After an hour we start to walk home but we hear "Oi" from Laz's neighbour's garden. It is Perce who eveidently dived for Laz's garden and missed.
*
Ian who gives us a lift in gets his dick caught in his flies at the weekend and has two stitches. Mark and I are terribly sympathetic.
*
Vinky has his stag night at Nino's wine bar. It's a jolly evening with wine flowing and streamers popping and vinky has bought loads of practical jokes. Laz uses a cigarette lighter that squirts foam in his face and I get a ciggie that explodes.
*
Go to Oxford with Perce and Bones so we can have a few beers and go with Bones to the VD clinic. When we get there Bones bottles it.
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