I'm off this week and spend most of it in the pub with Bones and Den and Mrs F and their Auntie Ollie. On Tuesday night Perce joins us. Perce is sat between me and Bones at the bar and I am talking to Bones so have to lean back to talk around Perce. I lean back too far and the chair topples backwards crashing to the floor between two tables with an inch to spare either side.
Drover appears alarmed and cries out is there any damage. I say that I'm okay and he says; "Not you, I mean the bloody chair!"
*
Because we live in the same direction I've been walking home with Karen the barmaid. Bones has it in his head that I'm knobbing her which I'm not but would like to as she has enourmous tits.
Now he has started interrogating Karen as to what we get up to and she says that's our business and winks at me.
I think Bones is jealous.
*
Have a couple of pints at the Knight then Sue drives Perce, me and Uncle Len to Wally's funeral.
Afterwards drinking starts at three in the Knight. The police pop in to ask why they are serving and Drover says it's a private party and he's paying. If he were paying it would cost a fortune as Bone's relatives aree piss-heads.
I go home at five to have a Chinese curry and watch The Jam on a new music program called The Tube.
Get back to the Knight at seven and everyone is assholed. The beers are flowing and a knees up and sing song has commenced. It is generally agreed Wally F would have heartily approved.
*
Was meant to go to nan and grandads at Southend for the second week of my holiday but dad's carf is smashed up so I spend it with Bones in The Knight. (We notice that Strud is there every lunchtime which Isn't bad for someone on social security.)
Most evenings Perce joins us but Bones can't make it on Tuesday as he is out with Karen, the large titted barmaid.
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Am sent on a six hour training session on how to answer the phone. At the end the training man asks what we honestly thought of the course. Roger from M division says it was too long and repetitive and the training man gets in a right mood.
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Mandy has broken up with her David again and says she will go out with me to annoy him. I think she genuinely means it but because dad's car is written off I can't take her anywhere because she lives in Wokingham.
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We are invited to Inky's engagement party. I have a dance with Karen but tread on her toes so she spends the rest of the night with Bones.
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There is a rumour at the Knight that I took Karen back to my house last night. Ronnie is all "nudge nudge wink wink" till I point out she did come back to my house but so did Bones and Perce and Karen was with Bones.
When Bones arrives he tells us Karen is a pest and he is in love with Sue. He tells me Karen fancies me and I can take her off his hands. Bloody hell; I like Karen but I don't want Bones's cast offs.
*
I evesdrop Jackie and Mandy's conversation.
Mandy and her David get back together on Friday but have a massive row and break up. He phones her next day and cries and pleads for her to take him back. She says okay because her car needs mending.
Jackie's Mark is in prison for arson so she is seeing Tony and has him fully trained. However she has met a bloke with a Ferrarri in Top Rank on Saturday.
*
Tony says he saw me earwigging Jackie and Mandy and asks about the bloke with a Ferrarri. I say they were talking about one of Jackie's friends. Then Jackie arrives and Tony scoots off and Jackie asks what I was talking to Tony about and I say, Football.
It seems unfair that their grubby goings on have turned me into a blatent liar.
*
The Norman Knight have put a footy team together and I'm goalie. Our first match is against The Sprat from Didcot and we lose 6-1.
When I walk into the pub after the game I am given a standing ovation and tols I am Norman Knight man of the match.
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I have told John I am treated unfairly by Liz and she gives Mandy and Jackie an easier time because they are her mates. John says he sympathisis but Liz has promised to get hold of cheap digital watch for him so he doesn't want to upset her. | 