On bank holiday Monday Laz and Bones are going to pick up Mrs F and Den from Heathrow and me and Perce decide to come along though some bright spark points out there won't be room for Mrs F and Den so we takle two cars.
I'm following Laz up the M4 when he pulls onto the emergency hard shoulder. The emergency is Bones has lost his fags so the four of us scrabble about on the floor of Laz's Escort till Perce finds them on the road below. Bones comments it was a good job we stopped there then. He is on form today as he quips how daft it was building Windsor Castle so near an airport.
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The day of our big date except I think Mandy is back with her David as she avoids me all day and the only conversation we have is about Building Society Acceptance Letters. So I assume the date is off.
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I have joined the pub Aunt sally team and tonight we beat the Plough, Sutton Courtney. This is despite Symesie and me both scoring nil, which is called a Blob. Apparently if you score a Blob you get your name in The Oxford Mail.
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Hammy has started us training mid week for the footy team but tonights clashes with the Aberdeen V Bayern cup winners cup final. Laz says we should go training but there's only four of us there as everyone has stayed in to watch the foty, (including Hammy.)
After training we go to the pub. The Aunt Sally team has lost which serves them right for dropping me for Perce.
Aberdeen win 2-1
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Go to Jenkins garage for the result of my MOT. Johnny G tells me anything that moves is broken and anything that doesn't is rusted. He gives me the number for Passeys scrap yard.
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Laz drives us to London where we are staying with Bones's Uncle Len for the weekend. Bones's cousin Russ joins us in the Midland for the evening before heading back to Lens and working through his drinks cabinet.
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We meet Russ at The Midland at lunch time and he takes us on a tour of London's seedy holes.
We pub it until three when they close then go in search of a late drink. The cheapest bar in Soho is two quid a pint so instead we go to a live peep show and then a porn cinema showing German sex films before heading back to Hendon.
Tonight we go to Hendon Scouts fancy dress (five quid and all you ncan eat and drink!) Laz is dressed as Ghandi in robe and wellies and has quite a following on the way there.
The party is good and we take turns dancing with a tasty little Italian girl so we're surprised when her husband comes to collect her at the end.
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We leave Hendon at eight am and get to Appleford in time for the ten thirty kick off as we are playing The Carpenters Arms. We lose 4-1
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Go to work Saturday morning which is a pain but I earn £20.
I'm at the Knight by one and go back to Bones's after to watch the FA Cup final. Man U draw 2-2 with Brighton. Have a Chinese takeaway at Bones's and go to the Knight once all the cans have been drunk. When the pubs shut we buy carry outs and go back to Bone's where we drink till one am. We congratulate ourselves on an epic twelve hour drinking spree.
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We have got into the habit of going to the White Hart in Benson on Sunday evenings with Hammy, Ronnie and Johnny G. They have live entertainment which is two blokes and a tape recorder.
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We have been offered a pathetic pay rise of 5% so we have started industrial action. It's great, we don't touch work that comes in after 10 am and we're not allowed to answer phone calls. The only scab is Clare who is a bit of a Tory.
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Go with Laz, Perce, Bones and Hammy to watch First Blood with Sylvester Stallone at the Regal. It is well worth the £1 admission fee.
After the film we go to the pub. Drover has got a piano player in as it means he can stay open for an extra half hour.
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I take the lads to Brightwell Red Lion and lo and behold, Karen the large titted barmaid turns up. When I drive back Karen scrounges a lift and when we go into Bone's house for coffee Bones and her stay in dad's Saab and have sex. After we've had coffee and they've had sex I have to drive her home!
How is this fair?
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