The weather is really hot which is fine except I'm hobbling aroung on crutches and my plaster is starting to whiff. At work the girls keep spraying it with perfume so now I smell like a nancy-boy.
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Go to The Berks to have my plaster removed but they say it has to be replaced by a new one.
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Laz has fallen in love with a girl who looks like Felicity Kendall. He doesn't know her name, just that she lives in Fleet so we have to drive to Fleet on the off chance of seeing her. If this wasn't bad enough he plays Michael Jackson's Off The Wall album over and over on the journey.
We spend most of the evening in a cool pub called the Oatsheaf and have a bit of banter with the barmaids. We have a Kentucky then drive home with no sighting of Felicity Kendall.
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Mum and dad go to a Hindu wedding so after the lunchtime session I drag the boys back to watch the video I taped of Blackadder with Rowan Atkinson.
Mum is unimpressed with the Hindu wedding as there is no alcohol.
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Clare is leaving for America and has her leaving do at Cheively and says I can bring my friends. Perce spends all night moping because he's missing his new love, Pauline; Laz is just Laz and Bones calls Gail a whore because she wont dance with him and refuses a ciggy from Colin explaining he doesn't accept fags off poofs.
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Karen W has her 22nd birthday party at thr Rio so we scrounge lifts up there so Laz and me can drink.
I get very pissed and end up snogging Karen and having a bit of a grope, (and ther'e a lot to grope.)
We start to walk home and Bones has the other Karen (large titted barmaid) in tow. We're picked up by Westie who is pissed and slaloms home in and out of the white lines until Karen throws up.
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Perce, Bones and me have the week off so we hit the Knight on Monday lunchtime. We're joined by Rob H who is a berk who used to gom out with Perce's girlfriend and who seems to have latched onto us.
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I borrow the Saab and drive the boys to Bournemouth, (idiot Rob comnes too.) Our favourite pub from'81, The Anchor, has been pulled down to make way for a conference hall.
Eventually we find a decent boozer, The Hop Inn and another, The Victoria then have a Wimpey before settling down on the beech.
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Mum and dad are away so after the pub shuts we have a chinky takeaway and watch dirty videos at my place. I fall asleep during the whipping scene and am awakened some time later by Bones booting me, demanding I put it on again. By now Perce has nicked my bed and Laz the spare so I have to kip with Bones on the sofa.
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The Knight lose 4-0 to the Boot with Melve in goal in place of me. You can't blame him for all four goals, only three are his fault.
Heroic performance of the day is me, running the line with my foot in plaster whilst Hammy shouts when to put the flag up.
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