Friday the 5th of Jan and today I beamed aboard the Star Ship City & Guilds to continue my quest to master C&G spreadsheets level two. It was nine am or eight bells plus one as we merry mariners have it when I beamed into the air lock below deck and signed the register. Upstairs the bridge was strangely quiet with most of the ensigns it would appear, enjoying an extended shore leave; it was so quiet in fact that it was almost a relief to see that lieutenant Grumpy de Chatelaine was on watch. I settled down to my allotted tasks and had not been long at my console before the inevitable happened and one of the ensigns requested some assistance from the venerable lieutenant. The ensign in question was a pleasant young lady of oriental extraction who required help on a small matter which with Grumpy's help soon escalated into a mini version of the Spanish Inquisition with Grumpy acting out the part of Torquemada. I am often bemused by the good lieutenant's teaching methods which revolve around the twin gambits of shaming and shouting as in "what are you trying to do? Did you read the instructions?" What does that say !!!" etc etc. These instructions tend to get louder & louder until the people in the car park outside begin to benefit from his powerful educational qualities. Fun though it was my time on the star ship was soon over and I beamed home for a light lunch prepared by Mrs Norman before tackling my delayed induction at the local gym. Having not done any serious exercise for over thirty years my first attempt was both painful and embarrassing but I did at least survive and now have a tortuous programme set out of which good old Torquemada himself would have been proud.
My human interface today was with the bullying Lieutenant Grumpy and my benign personal trainer, Trevor. My thoughts were on how weak and feeble my under exercised body had become and my deed was to address the problem.
