I was there again on Friday and it was the best time ever. He was so sweet again... so attentive. We talked for a bit while his brother was still in the house. I felt on edge the whole time, i didn't want to be just talking....=] when his brother left we went upstairs and that was where the fun started.... but it was more than just fun i think, it was so serious at the same time. its really heard to explain but it was amazing, truly amazing. i know he still doesn't have the same level of feelings that i do but he did admit to my face that he liked me as more than a good friend. I've been further with him than anyone before him and it's a really scary but exhilarating feeling.... i'm totally hooked. I think he's being sincere when he says the things he does but i've still got my feelings more guarded than last time just because of what happened. I really hope that it works out though, i'm enjoying myself way to much for it to stop yet. Can't wait for the next time....i need to show him how much i apprecitated Friday.

I'm really glad he's still being the new James....he's a lot more appealing that the old James. And a hell of a lot more sexy.

I went to James yesterday. Even after everything he did to me i'm still addicted to him. I know he's really sorry about it all and i believe that but that still doesn't mean he wouldn't do it all again. Yesterday was so different though. He was so much more attentive to me and for sensitive....we actually had a conversation without biting each others head off for a start which never happens. I can't stop thinking about yesterday....it was so different to what its been the other times i've been round there. It was just so magical....i've never felt like that with anyone before.....he was so.....i can't think of the word i want. I don't think he feels the same level of addiction, shall we say, that i do but feelings can grow.

I just hope that it stays like this....the new James is a lot nicer than the old one. 

Haven't been on here in a while and since i have so much has changed. For a start i got that serious help that i said i needed. I spent six months in therapy weekly and that has helped me realise that i'm worth a lot more than what i was giving my self credit for. I started to actualyl like myself and have stopped self harming. I still have bad days and i dont think i'll ever be completely clear of my depression but i've learnt to deal with it a lot better. Also i've fallen in love with an amazing guy. He's considerate, caring, attractive, intelligent and he understands what i went through and is always prepared to talk to me about it when i need to. I can't believe he found me the day i needed him most. I owe him so much..... any ideas how i could repay him?

I will right on here more often, feels good to just blab away lol!  

Y i hate men!!!!!!

i hate myself aswell but thats a different story.

ok theres this guy, and i rele like him but i know that he doesn't like me so thats a bust, no one likes me anymore. i feel left out again and dont know how to deal with it. i've got becky but shes not around at the mo. so many people are trying to help me and i know they're doing their best but they dont understand and i dont know how to explain it to them. i think that i hsould just disappear off the face of the earth because no one would know or notice and yer that sounds selfish but thats how i feel. i dont want to fight with this anymore, everyone is in love or hooking up with people or just enjoying being single but i can't do that, not when i'm falling in love but not dealing with it very well.

i feel like i dont fit in at school and just want to go home and find my razor blade!! so yer thats like half my rant over but am to tired to right anything else!!!!!

i need serious help!!!!!!

i feel like such an idiot! i asked a guy out today and if i had asked him out two days before i would have been with him now probably but instead i chickened out and now have lost him again!!!!!!!!!!!   i dont know wat tpo do about it!!!!!

I hate homework!!!  its so annoying and i have loads!!! anyway off to irish dance soon then back for more homework!!!  y do people always think your some sort of freak when you do homework!!!!

talk to you soon!!!

 i cryed!!!! its such an amazing film. Am now watching 13 going on 30!  its so funny!!! I wish sammy was here. shes so awesome!!!

So bored got nothing to do so i thought i'd write in. i hate weekends that go slow and are rainy there is nothing to do in them. Dad getting shirty again about everything and mum is being all patronising!!!! If anyone knows how it feels to fell like your 5 years old when actually your 14 then please talk to me!!!! need to talk to someone! even if i don't know them!